Attention Fellow Canadians

Please read Important Notice!!!

As a Canadian, you have to be extra vigilant. There are a lot of impostors
out there. If you suspect that someone is falsely trying to pass themselves
off as a Canadian, make the following statement, and then carefully note
their reaction:

"Last night, I cashed my pogey and went to buy a mickey of C.C. at the
beer parlour, but my skidoo got stuck in the muskeg on my way back to the
duplex. I was trying to deke out a deer, you see.

Damn chinook, melted everything. And then a Mountie snuck up behind me in
a ghost car and gave me an impaired. I was S.O.L., sitting there dressed
only in my Stanfields and a toque at the time. And the Mountie, he's all
chippy and everything, calling me a "shit disturber" and what not.

What could I say, except, "Sorry, Eh!" ".

If the person you are talking to nods sympathetically, they're one of us.
If, however, they stare at you with a blank look of incomprehension, they
are not a real Canadian. Have them reported to the authorities at once.

The passage cited above contains no fewer than 18 Canadianisms. In order:

1. pogey: EI (Employment insurance). Money provided by the government for
not working.

2. mickey: A small bottle of booze (325 ml.) (A Texas mickey, on the other
hand, is a ridiculously big bottle of booze, which, despite the name, is
still a Canadianism through and through.)

3. C.C.: Canadian Club, a brand of rye. Not to be confused with "hockey
stick," another kind of Canadian Club.

4. beer parlour: Like an ice cream parlour, but for Canadians.

5. skidoo: Self-propelled decapitation unit for teenagers, (Snow-Mobiles)

6. muskeg: Boggy swampland.

7. duplex: A single building divided in half with two sets of inhabitants,
each trying to pretend the other doesn't exist while at the same time
managing to drive each other crazy; metaphor for Canada's french and
english.

8. deke: Used as a verb, it means "to fool an opponent through skilful
misdirection." As a noun, it is used most often in exclamatory
constructions, such as: "Whadda deke!" Meaning, "My, what an impressive
display of physical dexterity employing misdirection and guile."

9. chinook: An unseasonably warm wind that comes over the Rockies and onto
the plains, melting snow banks in Calgary but just missing Edmonton, much to
the pleasure of Calgarians.

10. Mountie: Canadian icon, strong of jaw, red of coat, pure of heart.
Always get their man! (See also Pepper spray-users of.)

11. snuck: To have sneaked; to move, past tense, in a sneaky manner;
non-restrictive extended semi-gerundial form of "did sneak." (We think.)

12. ghost car: An unmarked police car, easily identifiable by its
inconspicuousness.

13. impaired: A charge of drunk driving. Used both as a noun and as an
adjective (the alternative adjectival from "impaired" being "pissed to the
gills").

14. S.O.L.: Shit outta luck; in an unfortunate predicament.

15. Stanfields: Men's underwear, especially Grandpa-style, white cotton
ones with a big elastic waistband and a large superfluous flap in the front
and back. Also known as "tighty whiteys".

16. toque: Canada's official National Head Apparel, with about the same
suave sex appeal as a pair of Stanfields.

17. chippy: Behaviour that is inappropriately aggressive; constantly
looking for a reason to find offense; from "chip on one's shoulder."
(See Western Canada)

18. shit disturber: (See Quebec) a troublemaker or provocateur.

According to Katherine Barber, editor in Chief of the Canadian Oxford
Dictionary, "shit disturber" is a distinctly Canadian term. (Just remember
that Western Canada is chippy and Quebec is a shit disturber, and you will
do fine.)

Please distribute to all your patriotic Canuck friends, eh, and any
American friends that need some guidance!

Thanks Margaret, funny stuff...